Life has changed dramatically over the past 6 months. What first started as a “temporary lockdown” has shifted to a “new normal”. For some of us, we’ve transformed our routine from long hours in the office too long hours in our living room. All relationships are long-distance, whether your friends/family live a block away or thousands of miles away. Even our shopping habits changed from spending on experiences outside the home to investing in new hobbies to fill the days at home.

If you’re like me, you might find yourself unrecognizable. Yes, maybe it’s the extreme quarantine cut I opted for once salons reopened. Maybe it’s the new interests I’ve taken up to replace the ones temporarily paused by the pandemic, like biking, sake tasting, and cooking. But it does seem like after months alone with myself, I think I’ve had a mini breakthrough in my own body acceptance journey.

The tl;dr version of my past includes years of being unhealthy and overweight in high school and into college. A multi-year journey undoing bad eating habits and slowly finding healthy ways to be active. And while I continue to make progress in building a healthier lifestyle, my emotional struggles have remained nearly the same. The size 14 girl lives within the slimmer version you see today, making her presence known frequently and resurfacing feelings for doubt, shame and disgust.

For years this dissatisfaction with my body made me feel inadequate and undesirable. It haunted me as this litany of reasons I wasn’t more successful, why someone wouldn’t date me, or why I didn’t believe I could be love. (I know, dramatic). For the men that would date me, I chalked it up to this belief that it was because they were only into “curvy girls”.

Ultimately, the confident version of me on the inside never felt like she matched how she appeared on the outside. For so long I let that disconnect drive how I lived my life. But after months of letting the girl on the inside run the show, I think she’s finally telling her demons to “f*ck off!”.

A New Uniform

In quarantine, I’ve been able to wear whatever I want whenever I want. I can wear comfy clothes 24/7, or dress up just for me. I can go a week without makeup or put on the glittery eye shadow that came in that subscription box that never felt appropriate for any real-life occasions.

The me that shows up every day doesn’t have to worry about being judged by others. This girl doesn’t have to put on uncomfortable clothes or try to be someone she isn’t every day just to meet trends, norms, or strive for social acceptance. I can rock whatever I like, whatever makes me feel great about my body every day of the week.

A New Diet

While at home I’ve felt empowered to stock my kitchen with healthy food that makes me feel good about what I’m eating. Not to say I won’t splurge on a treat time-to-time. As mentioned above, during this time I’ve gotten more into cooking – exploring new recipes, ingredients, and styles of preparing foods. Before quarantine, I’d never made soups or cooked fennel, rutabagas, or radishes.

Nothing’s influenced my diet more than my subscription to the local CSA program, without I probably wouldn’t have had the opportunity to experiment with new ingredients and home cooking. Each time I get a new delivery of local produce, I get excited to figure out creative ways to consume or cook the items in each package.

When you feel good about what you’re putting into your body, you tend to start to feel good about your body altogether.

A New Routine

These days I spend most of my time working from a make-shift kitchen office. And while I miss going into the office and working alongside my co-workers in person, I’ve made a real effort to take advantage of the time I get back while working from home. This includes maximizing my time in the morning to go for runs before it gets too hot or I get consumed by urgent work matters. When I end work in the evenings, I might do some yoga in my living room as a way to manage day-to-day stress and anxiety. And on the weekends, I try to spend as much time outdoors with hikes or bike rides, which really help me unwind and disconnect.

I’m dependant on physical activity more than ever, not only as a coping mechanism for handling the stress of the larger situation but as a new component of this new normal. If I can’t fill my days with my usual activities, then I need to stay busy doing other things. Staying active recharges my mind, my body, and my spirit, and keeps me energized during this tough time.

A New Outlook

While I’ve been able to take the changes from the last few months and find positive opportunities, it hasn’t always been easy. Each day is different and there are setbacks. When I’m met with moments of doubt or depression, I let myself feel how I need to feel that day.

My journey of self-love and body positivity isn’t the weight on the scale, a dress size, or pounds lost. It’s being proud of my choices and comfortable in my own skin. When I can be comfortable in I’m wearing, happy with what I’m eating, and enjoy how I’m staying active, I can be most proud of the body I’m living in.

When you move to a new city it can be tough to adjust to the new way of life. Like when I moved to San Francisco, I had to learn what went into a trash bin vs. a recycling bin vs. a compost bin.

In Richmond, sustainable habits are not intrinsic. Neither my apartment nor my employer offer recycling. I rely on a car to get around. And generally, it’s more convenient to adopt unsustainable practices, like using single-use plastics, creating more waste, etc.

But this year I’ve set out to make a serious effort to change that. I’ve identified ways to disrupt my bad habits and took the time to research business and services for establishing new, smarter choices. Throughout 2020, I’m pledging to continue to incorporate more sustainable practices into my life and share them with you!

Here are a couple of things I’ve already started to do.

Reducing Single-use Plastic Consumption

This one is probably the hardest habit to disrupt because it’s so ingrained into the way we consume products. Try to remember the last product you purchased that wasn’t packaged in some element of plastic… yeah, exactly.

My plan is to try and reduce my plastic cut and bottle consumption first. I started using Blueland cleaning products a few weeks after hearing the founder Sarah Paiji Yoo on the podcast, Well Made.

With a mission to make it easy for everyone to be environmentally responsible, Blueland offers a range of non-toxic cleaning products that are formulated without water (you already have that at home). Using tap water helps minimize the carbon footprint generated when shipping cleaning products from our warehouse to your home. Their products are paired with reusable bottles so you only buy the bottles once and never have to throw it away.

Buying Local

One way to reduce your impact on the environment is to purchase local goods. Not only does investing in local businesses support the local economy and the community, it helps reduce unnecessary transportation, which has serious environmental implications. Richmond is rich with artists and creators, so I’d love to invest more in these brilliant locally-made items

I’ve signed up for Farm to Family to receive seasonal, organic, Virginia-grown produce delivered straight to my apartment. Referred to the service by a co-worker, I’m excited to try a new approach to purchasing produce, and ultimately replace the products I was previously purchasing which are often shipped to the US from foreign countries.

Composting Food Waste

Food waste is a major issue in the US, and the amount that gets sent to landfills is overwhelming. Living on my own, I’ve grown more aware of the amount of waste I’m personally responsible for, especially without a separate bin for recycling and compost.

Enrich Compost is a Richmond-based compost pick-up service I’ve signed up for. Every 100 pounds of waste they collect offsets about 210 miles driven by a car. Composting will be an easy way to reduce my carbon footprint and minimize the amount of waste I’m sending to a landfill.

Minimizing Driving

I love my car and I rely on her so much get me to work and other places in the city. But really we need to spend more time apart. I’m excited about my office to move closer to where I live so that my 15-minute driving commute is replaced with a 7-minute walking commute.

I hope you will join me in this effort because this is the only planet we have and we need to leave it better than we found it. Share the ways you’re shaking things up this year and living a more sustainable life. 

Be Bold. That’s been my personal platform for 2019.

Being bold included a month solo traveling around Southeast Asia.

Being bold included getting bangs and going blond(er).

Being bold included speaking up for opportunities I wanted and deserved at work.

Being bold included taking a leap and chance on change.

That’s why I am leaving San Francisco.

And for once, I’m actually scared.

I’m worried I gave up too easily when things got complicated. Disappointed I didn’t see things through to the end. Afraid that somewhere along the journey I panicked when the road got too winding and I couldn’t see what was the path ahead.

But change is good. Change allows you to look back on what’s been and forces you to look forward to what is ahead.

Be bold with me and don’t back down when you’re scared of what’s to come.

Back in December, I left for a one month adventure in Southeast Asia. With just a 40-liter backpack, my passport and an outgoing personality, I bounced from Vietnam, to Cambodia, to Thailand and back home through Singapore. Truthfully, I have no interest in telling you about how I spent each day of my month abroad. The internet is filled with travel blogs and publications that could better articulate the true charisma of each place I went to. Instead, I’d prefer to show you *some* of my favorite photos, which I believe speak for themselves. Enjoy!

Around this time last year I arrived at Golden Gate Park early on a foggy Sunday morning to cheer on my friends at the finish line of the San Francisco Half Marathon. I remember standing there praising their performance and distinctly saying I would never even attempt such a thing. Now a year later, I’m just two weeks sky from attempting such a thing…

How It All Began
At New Year, I found myself craving a resolution that fell outside my comfort zone. Looking for something I could feel great about and hang my hat on if I were to persevere. And so, I made the commitment to try and “become a better runner” this year.

From the beginning of this journey I knew I had to be realistic and manage my own expectations. I was honest with myself from the start that change and progress wasn’t going to happen over night and that it might not happen at all.  I needed to be clear as to what I thought success would look like. I made my goals more about frequency and less about speed, mileage or time. It was about committing runs on the weekends when I wanted to be in bed, early mornings before work and after long hard days.

My First Run Was Disappointing
To help stick to my commitment, I signed up for two races – Bay to Breakers in May and the San Francisco Half Marathon in July. Bay to Breakers wasn’t the race I wanted it to be. I thought I had trained enough to pull off the 15K run without issue, but struggled mentally and physically. The steep hills in the middle of the route challenged me most, stealing most of my energy and moral. It was hard to bounce back once I knew my time was so far behind my goal.

After the race I expressed great concern for the impending half marathon, fearful I wouldn’t be able to get in shape in time. I thought about giving up right then but knew I had made a commitment to myself and couldn’t back down. Plus, I’d already shelled out the $150+ for the next race…

Getting Ready for the Half
My concerns continued to fester a few weeks ago when I returned from vacation to a heavy workload that was preventing me from dedicating time to my training. At first it felt like the progress I had made before my vacation had been tossed out the window. I was back to 10 minute miles and was seriously thinking about backing out of the race, again.

But despite these few bumpy runs in the beginning, I am starting to feel more comfortable and confident with my running. Leading up to this race I’ve shifted my routine and mindset. I’ve greatly increased my speed for short runs, and increased my distance and average pace for longer runs.

Mentally, I’m stronger than before, learning the skills to manipulate my focus and turn off my attention when I need to push through the exhaustion or boredom. I’m hoping this work will carry with me to race day.

Come Support Me!
If you’re in San Francisco on Sunday, July 29th, come cheer me on! I’ll be running the 2nd Half of the SF Marathon, which starts in Golden Gate Park ends along the Embarcadero near the Bay Bridge/Ferry Building.